Despair’s Veranda

by

12

I’ve been holding it for an eternity…
this breath, in this moment.
How does a frozen heart ache
so deeply, through so many layers?
Why do numb eyes still drip
oceans of feelings that simply
have nowhere to go?
Can only I see the hypocrisy
in life’s continued flow?
This armor of responsibility
gives no shield, only an
undeserving, selfish distraction;
an annoyance between the
air forcing my stance and the
ground begging my company.
I wish to fall.
I want to curl.
I long for abandon.
Resolve imprisons and reason squawks
at my need to just fall to pieces.
When will the universe
permit my exhale, authorize
the release of fate’s weight
from my cavity?
For, it is not mine to claim, but
it owns me in the places
I cannot protect.
Freely exposed to be tortured within
and impenetrable without;
where then, am I able
to walk it out… what then
can serve as the distant soft place
at the end of this
weary mind’s journey?
How can there be an end, if
it’s never allowed to begin?
All that exists
is this keeping… this
smothering of my being… this
push to release the melancholy
in between the broken parts…
this need to fall apart,
even though I cannot.

12 thoughts on “Despair’s Veranda”

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    • Thank you, Jacob. My muse is life… the parts which cannot be controlled, contained or influenced. My father is ill and far away from me, and I’m not taking it too well, especially as the one who always keeps it together for everyone else. So here is where I get to vent… 🙂

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        • Thanks, Ana! Every time we think he’s on an upswing, he deminishes & gets moved, which means I’m at a loss for a week or two til I locate him again at whichever hospital, section, floor and room he’s been moved to. Drives me nuts. But this was the longest gap & last we spoke, he was in a good place, recovering from one surgery, healing for the next. After nearly 3 weeks, I found him yesterday in ICU. By way of the grapevine, he can go any moment, but that is never his version. 🙂 Obviously, I want him to pull through so my son & I can enjoy more time… more visits… more rebuilding of the many yrs we lost. Mainly, though, I want him to recover because he is intent on living forever, and I’ve decided that is completely reasonable, as father knows best. 🙂

          Yep… so, I just rambled your eyes off without invitation at 4am… hence my state of existence at the moment. In exchange, however, I’ll offer this… dropped by your page and was quickly reminded of how insanely addictive your writings are! I don’t remember how many I read at once in my foggy – eyed stupor, but I do know I consumed them in reverse & enjoyed it thoroughly. You’re such a great story teller! ♡ And now, back to sleep… 🙂

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