Despair’s Veranda

I’ve been holding it for an eternity…
this breath, in this moment.
How does a frozen heart ache
so deeply, through so many layers?
Why do numb eyes still drip
oceans of feelings that simply
have nowhere to go?
Can only I see the hypocrisy
in life’s continued flow?
This armor of responsibility
gives no shield, only an
undeserving, selfish distraction;
an annoyance between the
air forcing my stance and the
ground begging my company.
I wish to fall.
I want to curl.
I long for abandon.
Resolve imprisons and reason squawks
at my need to just fall to pieces.
When will the universe
permit my exhale, authorize
the release of fate’s weight
from my cavity?
For, it is not mine to claim, but
it owns me in the places
I cannot protect.
Freely exposed to be tortured within
and impenetrable without;
where then, am I able
to walk it out… what then
can serve as the distant soft place
at the end of this
weary mind’s journey?
How can there be an end, if
it’s never allowed to begin?
All that exists
is this keeping… this
smothering of my being… this
push to release the melancholy
in between the broken parts…
this need to fall apart,
even though I cannot.