The Fallout

The Fallout3

War continues…
different missions,
different weapons,
different venues
Life under fire,
serving up its menu, as I
struggle to swallow substance
from there to here
Engulfed by fear saturated in measure;
judging self by the breaths of others
My brothers…
still on the line or six feet under
Pride wavers while dignity wonders,
who… what… why… now?
God knows I can’t begin to fathom the how
‘Cause at the end of “I am” is a pause;
the brand across my heart is
– enlisted clause –
but my time is done, and
here in the void is an army of one;
a sailor afloat,
an airman left grounded,
a guard without post,
a ‘hoorah’ unsounded…
a spirit at arms still carrying weapons
for a soul out of place, whose
worth has been lessened
Much more than the balance of
PTSD; the
cost of my mettle is the
balance of me
Sights that won’t leave
Sounds that won’t hush
Memories of then fulfill today’s rush
Living in the shell of a product of war
Abandoned in the mist as the
battlefield’s whore
Composition compromised, and
sanity with it
At the end of the line, this badge was a ticket
to freedoms and valor and victories strong…
to death and terror and nowhere to belong
They call me a hero; even write for me songs,
thanks for my service, then move right along
A hollow in my eyes,
a gravity of loss,
no cure in a pill nor pity-filled thoughts
My flesh has survived; honor its seal
Death in these veins; the struggle of will
“Lucky” because I’m the one left alive to
grieve evermore for those I watched die.
Never to be as I was before
No longer equipped to even the score
Unknown by those I was just fighting for
Adrift in a land that wants to ignore
In faith –
my heart bled for red, white and blue’s glory
In hell –
I now dwell, praying mercy finds my story.