Purpose fled to destiny;
now, what of the rest of me?
Hanging in this balance between
everything I’ve been and all I shall be,
nothingness pricks my heart.
This art I’ve called survival…
worn for one cause only.
A perfected craft sits lonely,
awaiting invitation to fill shoes
which no longer fit. My quick –
exposed beneath time’s blade,
anxiously dripping remnants of yesterday
that will never cling again to the surface.
“I am” is fleeting, constantly shrinking
into past tense qualifiers… no longer
quantifiers of this substance of being.
“I was” is all I’m seeing.
“Without” is what I’m breathing.
The needing – slayed through open doors
bidding the exit of identity; for there’s
no room to follow. I swallow feelings
with this gulp of intellect.
Mind over heart’s matter – so says the
professional chatter. I’m too
keen for my own good.
Should gates come crashing down,
temperate lose its crown, and
grief command its grounds – then,
sanctity be found. Meanwhile,
I am loosed in the most composed way,
quietly measuring existence with the
absence of my everything.
ok, so you came ready to slay today. From the get go, “Purpose fled to destiny; now, what of the rest of me?” For real, that’s awesome, when our life purpose takes over and our other purpose driven identity has to subside to what was always going to be, for me the way we live with that is what spirituality is all about. Beautiful piece, as always.
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Thanks, Sreejit! I like the way you put it. It is definitely an interesting transition. Everyone has been anticipation my complete and utter breakdown with Xavier leaving for college. While it is true that I deeply miss our day-to-day companionship because he is the closest person to my heart, being my most significant responsibility and deepest joy of my past 18+ yrs; the fact of the matter is I am so happy and excited for and proud of him that I really don’t have room to “grieve” as all are expecting. Instead of breaking down in sorrow, which my chiropractor says I must do to realign my energies, I actually feel a sense of relief that I got something right in this life, in spite of my shortcomings as a human being. I’ve raised an amazing spiritual being who is an inspiring force to be reckoned with. And now, my biggest challenge is clearing my head and being still enough to let God lead me into my next journey. I am anxious for change. I am anxious for higher purpose. I am anxious for shifting focus. But I need to shift from anxious to ready, so I don’t confuse my own desires for the greater Will for my life. Make no mistake about it, though, I am preparing for much more! 😀
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