As He Wishes

Let go…
he said.
And I cringed
within the betrayal,
the sheer audacity of his being.
Coming of age earns no right to
abandonment.
Knowing… creating…
facilitating… maneuvering…
pre-meditating the turns and
moves to navigate challenge,
to contend gracefully with life…
such is my badge.
Today is not the day for me
to bleed from the exit of its prick.
This is not the hour of acceptance,
when accountability adds weight to
mistakes that cannot be undone by
a mother’s touch.
This is not
the moment I
relinquish my instinct
to the folly of desired manhood.
I thought it was understood, but no.
Let go…
he says.
And I shun
this crowdedness,
as I lay here with all these layers
of me trapped in my bed of desertion.
Tomorrow…
he’ll rise without my bidding, and
fall without my net, and the
bruising of existence will
begin to take its toll,
as he wishes.

 

For Challenge for Growth Prompt #11: Overcoming Resistance

For You

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There was a time
when God introduced me to “why” and
all intent became lost in those eyes. In a
moment, I suddenly knew it would be
always for you… this
dreaming laced with reverberation, a
flutter beyond butterfly’s duplication.
My heart, seduced into nurture, commands
all of me to hold all of you. No longer a
cradled grasp, but the fervor in my labor;
the “no surrender” in my soul;
the “any cost” in my spirit;
the see, hear and feel it
of my world’s intangibles.
I’ve never been so expandable and
limited, at once. I’m just a girl, but,
for you, super-human fits the bill, so
I wear this will with a forceful nature.
Above nor below can hinder this passion
fueled by my reason – gifted from
the Heavens, granted to the universe.
Depth of my verse, you are. Life’s
script would be breathless without you,
for your smile whispers joy into my
existence, from which your moving
spills out loud. As God is my center,
you are all my edges, shaping the
fulfillment of my divinity; my complex
serenity in a simple world of delusion.
Together, we will always rise and fall
above all else because I am here
to be your indestructible when
the rest have proven deductible.
Take heed, free yourself of everything
less than hope…
short of love…
void of freedom.
Reign in your inherited kingdom knowing,
for you always, I will wage my all
to build up your fortress
until last sigh claims
my mortal breath.

For Challenge for Growth Prompt #9: Message to a Child

HUSH…

Hush.
The strongest voice whispers beneath the silence,
composing the structure of its weight from the
deepest echoes of the resting heartbeat.
Diaries of ago play incessant mantras upon the
stringed belly of untoned thought, leaving
the mind heavy, spirit obsessed, and
soul plucked to frayed by yesterday’s follies.
No room breathes for anew, as suffocating fears
manifest destiny in the cycles of the psyche.
Unleash the bitter known for the promise of greater,
for it is only the self that can be so consuming as to
eat away its own hope, its own joy, its own freedom
to live abundantly. Surrender the noise,
binding the ears from all tones within and without,
until peace ingests your being and you lay in waiting
for that which you can only hear when all else is
silenced.

For Challenge for Growth Prompt #8: Stop Repetitive Thinking

OFF

Kilter filtered through my disconnect – time to
unplug from these 21st century defects
Names and faces translated into
taglines and avatars… likes and dislikes
denoted by how many stars
Hookups propagating in internet bars, drawing
hundreds of “friends” with no clue who you are
Connecting at lightning speed when
everything you know is a 10 second read, a
flash in the moment social media conceived
a notion… a voice… a cyber stampede…
or maybe just photos of what someone eats
There may be an update of critical status,
perhaps a poor joke so all can laugh at us
Which side shows the best, and which one’s
claimed… shining a light or airing a shame?
Always within reach for another’s agenda, yet
markedly distant from your own spirit’s center
No space for just living among the living today;
none for considering the purpose of these days
Because everything’s turned up in this
rat racing realm and – last time I checked –
hell was circling the helm and overload is
served up on a bed of overwhelm. So,
yes, here I am – finger pressed to the trigger,
readied to release my mind from the rigor of
useless information some software configured;
and set to have all of my senses delivered to
commune with the seekers who yearn
something greater than the confines and conflicts
which veil the Creator.
Turning down for a moment to an illuminated pace
No dial ups, no log-ons, no service in this place
where I turn off the world and tune in to Grace

 

For Challenge for Growth Prompt #7: I Unplug

I Hear You…

Especially in between the lines, where
your words rest and your thoughts
breathe their truths.
Your silence
tells a story of its own, pondering
vulnerability’s willingness to be known.
My eyes listen intently,
gaining more from nuances than
ears can ever hear; learning
more with every wince and beam
reflected in your mask’s betrayal.
What you do not say overwhelms,
and I am drawn deeper
into your silhouette, deeper
into the mystery beneath your
prudently prepared outline.
I am lost in your hidden spaces,
reaching for those veiled traces of
“how come” weaved into your DNA.
Drifting through your layered shadows,
dare I invade with a touch; adding
the tremble of your pulse to the
culmination of terms displayed?
Dismay is not a factor, for
hearing you is knowing you
without pretense, before judgment,
taking in the complex spectrum
of your reality’s perspective.

 

For Challenge for Growth Prompt #6: I Listen Attentively

I AM…

Truth revealed through a tender heart
The hands shaping wounds into works of art
Eyes that see beauty in the deepest of flaws
Who gives hope to every hopeless cause
Foundation when everything trembles around
What lifts your spirit when you’ve lost ground
The Rock of Ages in your sinking sands
A quiet still voice against the world’s demands
Maker of ways when there’s no way out
Reason for believing when filled with doubt
The light of salvation when you’ve given up
The end of thirst when you drink from my cup
Everything good beneath your broken view
Love, the Creator, and I dwell within you

This is more than a declaration of my spiritual beliefs. Each statement above represents each individual’s capacity to receive and give and BE love. There is a way to convey truth that isn’t harmful, threatening or hurtful in its delivery and intent. While some express an ease in living in denial or ignorance; this perspective is disingenuous to one’s true being. Truth isn’t always welcome, and it often travels on airs of subjectivity, causing the hearer to tune out. However, whether the hearer is someone else or you, learning to deliver and receive and BE truth is necessary to realizing a life of integrity.

Everyone is wounded. Everyone has hidden parts. Often, we sacrifice the fullness of life by constantly licking those wounds or hiding behind those secret places of hurt and insecurity. Overcoming isn’t about ignoring or forgetting; it’s about learning, reshaping and offering a testimony. What good is any pain if you do not grow from it? What good are your past experiences, if they are not used to help others going through similar trials? The key word being “good”… what “good” can come of the bad you’ve known?

Love is blind. No, it is not! Love sees all, and accepts all for what it is. Yes, we want the best for and of ourselves and those we care about… some of us even want the best for and of the world at large. But let’s be honest, nothing in this life is perfect (whatever perfect means). Criticism reigns within and without on so many levels, as this world dictates a clone mentality… look like this… think like that… measure your being up against the skew of a few. Beautiful is what makes you – YOU. What makes you special… physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually… is that which defines your unique contribution to the universe. Sameness is like listening to an orchestra and hearing only one note.

Who or what is your “go to” when you feel defeated? They say misery loves company. Well, I know nothing draws out darkness like light; it draws it and drowns it with hope and stability, pouring out a reassurance which lets you know that you will survive the sinking ship. Some are blessed to have others in their lives who serve as a rock; others are blessed to be that rock; and, many can only find the source of comfort they need beyond humanity’s angels. If you don’t have a source of uplifting… reach out, because there is ALWAYS someone willing to share joy with another’s heart.

Be still my aching heart. There is holiness in being still, in bringing peace to all the beating impulses of the mind and body. We often want to run, act, react, force, move, control… and in those desires, we lose our center. Rashness and anxiousness take over and master our wills and senses as we stand in defensiveness against the world. But in the stillness… in the calm… in the meditation… in the prayer… in the soothing whisper of a loved one, we can regain composure, perspective and presence. We must remember to carry a stillness within to balance the chaos among us.

Some believe in karma, while others see no consequence. Some believe everything happens for a reason, while others believe in chance. Some believe in free will, while others believe in destiny. Some believe in judgment. Some believe in nothing at all. Most, I think, believe in some combination of these. My faith rests in the guidance and protection of my God, Yahweh, while others define the Creator in other ways, if they, in fact, believe in a Creator. Even for the non-spiritual, however, there has to be a driving force internally or externally which prods one to persevere. Perhaps it is the human condition for them. I know, for me, too many miracles have occurred… too many paths have been uncovered… too many chances have been bestowed… too many tragedies have been survived… too many endings have been avoided… and too many unimaginable blessings have adorned my life for me to not believe in something greater than myself… greater than humanity… greater than this world.

This world confines, speaks doubt and negativity, and finds ways to extinguish the spirit of innocence and altruism. And yet, here we are. You and I, he and she, us and them… constantly fighting to reveal something beautiful, engaging, inspiring, and evolving… something so much more than what exists on the surface of existence. In as much as God is here for me, I am here for you, and you are here for someone else. We are all capable of leading someone else somewhere better; and, through the process, will find ourselves improved.

Everlasting life in His cup… the salvation of His sacrifice… the goodness He creates from our falls and failures… yes, these are my beliefs… my mantras… my “self-talk.” How similar or dissimilar these are from other faiths, I do not know. I do know that LOVE in and of itself is life giving. I do know that sharing LOVE with others is contagious and has brought many souls out of isolation and suffering. I do know that LOVE has seen through the dark, ugly and hateful, and has transformed hardened hearts and vexatious minds into completely new spirits of joy and abundance. I do know the power of LOVE… in God… in myself… and in you.

Challenge for Growth Prompt #5: I Am Love

The Making of Yes

“Because I said so” began the fall of “no”
… choking me back down my throat
Contemplating mind wasn’t part of the scope

“Do as told,” “Speak when spoken to,”
“Follow this list of don’ts and do’s”…
fashioned my feet for someone else’s shoes

“Never shine too bright when here you roam”
“Save your perfection for those at home”
The frayed ghetto womb is where I’m from

“Good isn’t bad, but it’s never enough”
“Be more than you are, accepting and tough”
Love isn’t free… it comes with these cuffs

“Set the example,” “Failure’s not an option”
Every part of me sold at authority’s auction
before sense of self could begin construction

Always falling short of unconditional affection
“In the eyes of others” … my self-destruction
Heart on a platter for the world’s consumption

Departed the nest with a pleaser complex,
traversing society with a “YES” on my chest;
bringing everyone joy with my soul in distress

Burned both ends to offer more than my best
Lost control in self-inflicted duress
Lived for others, now let the spirit confess…

Sometimes saying “no” is a self-love test.

 

Challenge for Growth Prompt #4: Think Before Saying Yes or No