Anniversary

Ten years and counting

since I learned to bleed

Wounds no longer festering

inside this shell of broken dreams

Time redeems the hollowed spaces

while the hand of God replaces

the varicose traces of those imprints on my soul

Embraced in the Whole that gives me freedom

Losing bondage for the Kingdom

Eternity’s gift the day it saw the shackles fall

I will never look the same

a different cause, a different name

The knowing abandoned at the end of my glance

No reflection of your brand upon my heart

just one stroke in the beauty of this art

Now I dance in the comforts of chance

in a world divinely made for me

Thank you for the time you couldn’t spare

for stealing moments of my air

for breaking down all the good I tried to see

So grateful for vacant dinner tables

silence when all was unstable

unheard cries through darkest nights

heartless acts with scornful might

That smothering absence of any heed

whenever my spirit couldn’t breathe

was exactly what I needed to survive

Never was a fall so low until your kind

I came to know and still the rise so

ever high once failure resurrected hope

The scope is immeasurable

this growing into self in spite of self

by way of self’s ability to overcome the impossible

You crushed the innocence of my love while

laying the stepping stones for my ascension

And at least in this dimension I am compelled

to thank you for all the wrongs that fueled

the heaving throng of miseries which freed me

Ten years and counting the ever mounting

sea of blessings which hold my being

in a depth of seeing that guides my path

since the day I walked away from you

Elements

Rolling tide breaks free
of ocean’s gravity
rising high to regain pride and
defy placement amongst the calm

Fullest awe then folds and crashes
birthing fields of foamy laughter
knowing molds no longer guide
complacent paths

All is still, but only resting
til next moment comes arresting
springing up above horizon
new day’s shore

Spirit tide you are my core.

Billowed cloud no longer gray
drops of darkness cast away
kissed by earth in heaven’s way
to subdue the flustered puff

Nearly empty of its weights
angels blow to dissipate
chains lingering in the sails
so it may float

Drifting deeply into currents
taking risks without assurance
owning nothing but the riches
of its Maker

Heart cloud you are my center.

Cloaked in afterthoughts of day
granting moon the gift of sway
leaving wolves to howl their cries
in murky skies

Sun takes rise against its rival
summons Light for all survival
granting mercy’s liberation
to the flawed

Upon grace its rays are burning
tempered fury for the undeserving
flames command the storms of life
revere its source

Soul sun you are my force.

The Morning After

Laying here scattered, thoughts tattered
Like a newborn ripped from the womb
Wiggling in this goo of lost comfort
Unable to seize enough air to bellow my angst
Confusion bustles around me
Thoughts run frantic in an
Effort to wipe away fear
Only, it smears instead
This bed does not swaddle my insecurities
No, it illuminates impurities I no longer hide
And I can’t scoff because – I made it
I made it, but I won’t lie in its prickly sheets
I mustn’t, I can’t
But will I…
Eve is already drifting into awakening
Pinching dreams into fruition
Status no longer petitioned, no longer new
This soul doesn’t know how to recant
The scant of its flesh in epic fail
No retake posted, no longer hosted
Culpability envelopes me, tucking me
Tighter into these rags, lower into these throes
Eyes baring secrets I shouldn’t yet know
Essence nude in compromising layers of contemplation
Bartered salvation for sensations I’ve
Already almost forgotten
Those piercings of the night sink in deep
With no space to bleed out in the morn
If I could not save myself in the dark
Who will I be come dawn