Abba

Never as forgiving, and still,
your shadow casts a light.
The might of your tone always
lured my spirit home, wishing
to meet in the secret of night.
In our essence is the fight;
your entitlement to authority
and my self-preserving right
to be free of such.
Neither of us wanted much, but
your ruling hand was heavy and
the needs I missed were steady,
causing both of us to run from
what we loved.
Only He above understood
the bond within the distance and
every instance of my life that
felt not quite right because
your impression was incomplete.
All these spaces searching
all those faces and shallow hearts
in lonely places, hoping
there was one who held
like your embrace.
How could I refill what I didn’t taste?
Both fathers out of reach,
neither afforded the royal seat –
no palace in these ruins
to host court;
only singe and rubble,
the tumbles and fumbles
that knocked the solid grounding
from my grip.
None of them were passing ships,
but hollow shells that felt like crypts,
as I tossed and turned and tried
to make them fit.
No one wears like you…
So, in your final hours let me
slip into your power and melt
into the nature of your hold.
Leave what’s written in ago;
in this moment here behold,
you are the only man I’ve loved
with all my soul.

Anniversary

Ten years and counting

since I learned to bleed

Wounds no longer festering

inside this shell of broken dreams

Time redeems the hollowed spaces

while the hand of God replaces

the varicose traces of those imprints on my soul

Embraced in the Whole that gives me freedom

Losing bondage for the Kingdom

Eternity’s gift the day it saw the shackles fall

I will never look the same

a different cause, a different name

The knowing abandoned at the end of my glance

No reflection of your brand upon my heart

just one stroke in the beauty of this art

Now I dance in the comforts of chance

in a world divinely made for me

Thank you for the time you couldn’t spare

for stealing moments of my air

for breaking down all the good I tried to see

So grateful for vacant dinner tables

silence when all was unstable

unheard cries through darkest nights

heartless acts with scornful might

That smothering absence of any heed

whenever my spirit couldn’t breathe

was exactly what I needed to survive

Never was a fall so low until your kind

I came to know and still the rise so

ever high once failure resurrected hope

The scope is immeasurable

this growing into self in spite of self

by way of self’s ability to overcome the impossible

You crushed the innocence of my love while

laying the stepping stones for my ascension

And at least in this dimension I am compelled

to thank you for all the wrongs that fueled

the heaving throng of miseries which freed me

Ten years and counting the ever mounting

sea of blessings which hold my being

in a depth of seeing that guides my path

since the day I walked away from you

Clarity

Broken_Heart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breath held
Til I turn blue
This air breeds pain
Lies here – all laced in truth
To make this fool insane
Dangling from deceptive hope
I’ve never dwelled elsewhere
Rolling down its barb-wired slope
Through sins I shouldn’t bear
Whipped by tongues unholy and fierce
My heart dons scars of war
They float on the daggers
By which I’m pierced
Penetrating my soul like whores
Affixed by tears
I cannot swallow
I’m drowned from inside out
And all that awaits me in the morrow
A sea of crashing doubt
Ire of a thousand stabbed til blind
Tenfold this depth of sorrow
Good and bad so intertwined
A tightrope far too narrow
Vultures spy with sweet unrest
And hungers to be fed
Lest I land upon one’s tongue
My sacrificial bed
Silenced by too many falls
No song remains within
A sole whisper my spirit cries
Consumed by the belly it’s in
Melting away in the molting junction
Of failure and despair
Dismayed by the smothering resolution
Love was never here

Seismic

Love melts into cemented planes
of indifference
Molten cores still manage to stir
while the surface remains stoic
Volcanic spouts contained
to minimize a pouring out of
compromise
No one can surmise the
complexities of this mindless
hearth that overthinks the heart
and leaves sensibilities
dumbfounded
Anything grounded turns to mush
so don’t sink any deeper
In the depths of this jovial shell
lies the reaper of imaginings
feeding death my lofty dreams
Extreme steam melts zealous
hopes into a spill of cyclical
tears… a constant raining inside
Vibrations verify there’s life
still, but little will
to ride the next wave
of activity
This cavity begs for a
new destiny

Why

One trick ponies
riding pink elephants
float on clouds of mayhem
refusing to see
the curtain is drawn and
the act should be over
Life stops where the stage
drops off because
earth is flat in this existence
and once you cross the edge
there’s no coming back
Cheap fixes call for
lowlife hustles so the mirage
can maintain the only pinch
of sanity for the insane
Reality’s cure flies in
on a breeze where granules
travel above a table
on bruised knees
Tunnel vision
through a hand tool
shoved in an orifice
Dementia is the saving grace
Beauty spun from a brilliant
mind into the black widow’s
landmine waiting to explode
Who’s listening to the
secret’s told in this darkness
when the spotlight breaks
the soul’s silence
She who matters most
But oh yeah no one matters
Here
Heart’s betrayal
like butterfly wings
flutters into the night sky
There is no why
It just is

Misspent

How do I love you?
The account will claim
Sleepless nights
Foggy days
Sweet nothings lost
In powdered haze
Crimson veils
That stung and swayed
Turned rusted locks
Broke magic keys
Dropped inflamed hearts
Down to their knees
Skin worn in
To bleed the need
Starved the soul
To feed your creed
Eyes flipped back
I missed the view
Living for
Another you
Serpent’s tongue
A thousand molds
Proof your goods
Were bought and sold
Receipts
The lowest bidder holds
Blows-Blows-Blows
Hit beneath the gut
Stalled out in vacuums
You sealed shut
Without even knowing
No growing
Just honing in
On the distance
Between the spin
Of our two worlds
You can touch my love
But you can’t breathe it in
No vacancy amongst
The demons within
How do I love you?
You can’t comprehend
Released from Light
Your darkest fears
Unleashed to flee
The love that dared
How did you miss
All that was spent
Loving you…

Ruben

Runaway spirit chased into night’s howl
Unfamiliar with the tender bosom of devotion
Broken against love’s bridge from here to there
Ever wooing the comforts of darkness’ minions
Never trusting the peace within